"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for approval, I can tell you I don't have any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills -- skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you leave my language alone right now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will punctuate you."

Monday, August 26, 2013


Talk about greengrocers' apostrophes! And it's even a green sign. At first I was surprised that the misspelled nectarines didn't have an apostrophe, but if you look closely you can see that there are smaller (perhaps practice?) letters underneath the bigger letters, and the smaller "necterines" appears to have its apostrophe firmly in place.


I would deeply apperciate it if people who make plaques would learn how to spell or proofread.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Lazy Strumpets

I'm curious to know why the creator of this sign chose not to capitalize the "l" in in "lounge". I'm also curious to know how much a hookah costs these days, and how they can advertise so blatantly.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Is That Anything Like Watergate?

Went to the empty out the mini-storage today; found this note on the office door. The full text read: "MANAGERS OR OUT ON THE PROPERTY. IF YOU ARE HERE ON FOR BUSINESS PLEASE COME THROUGH THE MAN GATE [...]".

As I was a man, I used the man gate. However, I wondered what any women and children would use, as I saw only the one gate.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Teddy Are You Kidding?

I think Ted needs to polish his punctuating skills, too.

Metal polishing seems like such a niche market, that I was pretty sure this must be the only one in College Town. It's certainly the only one I can recall seeing. A check of the yellow pages confirms that it is indeed the only one of its kind, and not for just College Town, but for all of Butt County.

I don't know who needs metal polished. Maybe modifiers and restorers of cars? I mean, if you want some sort of polished metal thing, don't you just buy it that way? Do old ladies and lazy butlers bring Ted their silverware or tea pots when they need a touch up?

 I can't recall a time in my life when I needed some piece of metal polished. Nor can I imagine a situation between now and my death when I might.

*Sigh* - I can tell I won't be able to let this go until I pay Ted a visit and see for myself just what sorts of metal he polishes. I'll keep you posted.